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WHY WE ARE BED-SHARING / CO-SLEEPING WITH BABY

hey guys welcome back to my channel in

my sleep training video I mentioned that

we were Co sleeping and a lot of you had

said like oh please make a co-sleeping

video we'd love to just know a little

bit more about it and know what you're

doing I want to say that I found

originally when I was looking up Co

sleeping on YouTube I found a video by a

girl I can't remember her name to be

honest but I'm gonna link it down below

because she broke it down and she was so

eloquent in how she explained the

different types of clothes sleeping and

I'm gonna do my best now to summarize

that but she really went into depth and

I thought that she her video was so well

organized and it was just such a great

resource so again I'm gonna link that

down below I will say from my experience

before I give birth to Hugo

I thought co-sleeping was just sleeping

with your baby in your bed and that was

it and I didn't realize until after I

had Hugo that there are different forms

of Co sleeping closely being a sort of

this big umbrella and again I apologize

if I get any of this information wrong

you can definitely correct me in the

comments but my understanding is that Co

sleeping is like this huge umbrella and

different types of Co sleeping exist

underneath it so one of the idea is that

when you're when you say your Co

sleeping it means that your baby is

sleeping in the same room as you

somewhere in the same room as you if

your bed sharing that's different and

that's actually what we're doing I keep

saying Co sleeping which isn't wrong but

we're doing bed sharing Hugo sleeps in

the bed with us a lot of people and what

we tried initially and what I initially

really was hoping for was that Hugo was

going to be sleeping in a bassinet right

next to the bed and there's probably a

specific name for that again check out

that girl's video because she definitely

like knew the name for it but having the

bassinet right next to your bed so that

it's easy to access baby during the

night but your baby isn't in bed with

you is a form of CO sleeping and so that

was what I really I mean I didn't even

know that I

new bed sharing wasn't options my best

friend their bed shares sleeps with her

children but in my head I was like no

it's not on that like that's not what we

Jeff and I this was our mistake Jeff and

I decided that that wasn't what we

wanted to do as a couple we were like no

we want you go to sleep in the bassinet

we think that that for us is gonna be a

safer option more convenient option

that's what we're gonna do that was our

mistake because guess who guess who

actually decides where they're gonna be

sleeping you're maybe your baby decides

where they're gonna be sleeping so it

actually started in the hospital when

Hugo was born and I will never forget

this he was sleeping in his bassinet the

first night and he kept waking up every

few hours for feedings but I remember

every time I put him back down his

bassinet flat he would start screaming

and at one point the nurse came in and

she adjusted the bassinet or justed like

the plastic thing he was in tub so that

it was upright and or like was on an

angle and the second night again every

time I put him down he would start

crying even with the tub on a bit of an

upright and so at one point I was like

you know what I'm just gonna take him

I'm gonna let him sleep right in the

crook of my arm like it'll be fine I was

upright at that point I mean come on

like it wasn't like I was gonna be

sleeping really at any point and he was

feeding every two hours so he was

feeding on me and then I would close my

eyes let him close his eyes and then

again like every two hours and or every

90 minutes really I would put him on my

boob and I remember thinking like okay

like this is how he prefers to sleep but

you know it just it was a fleeting

thought we got home those first few

nights I remember thinking like what

what are we gonna do every time I put

him down in the bassinet on his back he

would start screaming and I tell you

guys we have tried everything those

first few nights on top of of course

like me just recovering from this very

traumatic labor experience and us as a

couple adjusting to like a newborn baby

we now had a newborn baby who didn't

want to sleep flat on their back in the

bassinet

and we came to a crossroads and I'm sure

a lot of parents come to this crossroads

where you think like but oh my god I

can't bring a baby into bed with me like

they always did SIDS and like I kept

having SIDS in my head like my baby's

gonna die I'm gonna suffocate my baby

I'm gonna smother my baby I can't bring

the babies the baby has to stay in the

bassinet

so we tried everything different types

of wraps the swaddles we try not

swallowing we tried the halo sleep sac

we tried no sleep sack like anything and

everything we could the only place he

wanted to sleep was on my chest so

eventually I was like you know what I

don't care at this point we were

probably a few weeks in I was trying to

recover so sleep-deprived at this point

I was like you know what he's gonna

sleep on my chest so for the first three

months three months he slept I went to

bed when he went to bed he slept on my

chest we wrap him we will swaddle him I

would put him right here and he that's

where he would sleep and every time he

would wake up to breastfeed all I needed

to do was lift him put him to my boob

and then when he was done put him back

onto my chest that was the only way he

would sleep so after about yeah that

two-month period

we realized that we were no longer gonna

be using the bassinet we got rid of the

bassinet we still weren't it's funny

because we still weren't convinced that

we were gonna be bed sharing but at that

point we were right like at that point I

was sleeping with him we created like

this crazy barrier around me not that he

was going to and I think that's such a

huge fear for most people who bed share

that they're going to that their baby is

going to suffocate endless and like

there have been tragedies and there have

been babies who have suffocated that's

why there is even that you know

recommendation not to Medicare with your

children or at least not to do it with a

lot of pillows and blankets because that

has happened and so that was always in

the back of my head it wasn't sleeping

that really is what it boils down to was

I just wasn't sleeping there was no

opportunity really for me to go into a

deep enough sleep that I was gonna

forget that he was there or like rolled

onto him that was never gonna happen so

that was like a huge thing for me if you

think that you are gonna be sleeping

deep enough

that that might be an issue for you or

that your partner is gonna be sleeping

deep enough move enough during the night

that that would be an issue I would say

then try to reevaluate where your baby's

gonna be sleeping how your baby's gonna

be sleeping but for us that was never

gonna be a problem or it wasn't a

problem I can look back now with you

know 20/20 vision I was still nervous

about it a thousand percent I was still

nervous about it but because I was

nervous about it because I wasn't

sleeping because he was waking up all

the time it wasn't gonna be a problem

for us so eventually he was breaking out

of his swaddling him into a sleep suit

and this happened I want to say around

three months three and a half months and

we transitioned into the baby Merlin's

Amanda sleep suit which was a lifesaver

for us Hugo had a really bad startle

reflex so we thought you know what let's

transition to the crib let's just try if

we don't try now it's never gonna happen

that crashed and burned for us oh my

gosh it was terrible if you didn't watch

my sleep training video I will link it

down below it was it was just it didn't

work and so and it makes sense right

like he was used to for three months

sleeping with mom sleeping in mom and

dad's bed it just I don't know my whole

take on it in a nutshell was I don't

think he was ready and by the fourth

night of him just screaming screaming

screaming we you know our emotional

reserves were depleted I didn't have the

armor anymore to do it and we stopped we

burned back into bed with us and ever

since he has been sleeping in between us

we recently transitioned him out of his

sleep suit he's six months old and now

he's goes to sleep in the little like

footsie onesie pajamas and he's still

sleeping in between us so I'm gonna just

talk really briefly I touched on it

during like all that rambling of the

different ways that you can Co sleep so

you can Co sleep with a baby in a

bassinet in your bedroom not necessarily

like pushed up against your bed you

don't have to we have the halo bassinet

that did actually push up to our bed

some people also have a like three-sided

almost crib style that attaches to the

bed that that is sort of like a bassinet

but is open on the bedside so that your

baby is still technically I guess you

could say like sharing your bed with you

but they are just removed there in their

own little safe spot so again if you're

worried about rolling on top of them are

suffocating them you don't have to be

there in their own little safe section

so that's considered co-sleeping having

your baby just in your room in general

so see how we have a crib back there we

don't use it but the crib back there if

you go were sleeping in it again that's

still considered Co sleeping even though

he's back there in the crib if you were

in the crib in his own bedroom then

technically that's not considered Co

sleeping I don't know I don't know like

who makes the rules or if I got any of

that right but that was my that's my

idea of like what Co sleeping is now in

terms of bed sharing bed sharing is what

we're doing and is a little more

controversial especially in the United

States it's my understanding that

throughout the rest of the world bed

sharing is actually the norm and not as

much of a hot-button hot topic issue I

don't know why here in the US it is but

it's definitely something that in the

rest of the world isn't quite as taboo

and that's the huge thing is that bed

sharing is such a taboo subject so many

people feel so strongly about it but I

mean at the end of the day don't people

feel strongly about everything that has

to do with a baby so many people will

have so many different opinions about

your kid and how you should parent your

child and your baby my thing and like my

advice is do what feels right for you

Jeff and I from the very beginning we

wanted him to sleep in the bassinet we

wanted him to sleep in the crib we

didn't want to have the anxiety and the

worry of him sharing the bed with us but

at the end of the day that's what you go

on to it like Hugo wouldn't sleep in his

bassinet he wouldn't sleep in his crab

no matter how hard we tried and so you

have to do what works for you and baby

and I will say this until the sky turns

I don't know what color is not even

saying that until the sky turns green

short I will say this until cows I

wasn't until pigs fly I just like trying

my best to come up with some sort of

cute say I will say this until pigs fly

I don't care where my child is sleeping

I

as long as he is sleeping as long as he

is safe and he is sleeping he can sleep

wherever he wants

wherever he wants and been sharing has

really worked for us how have we been

begged sharing to make it a safe

environment this is a part of the video

where I'm going to tell you the

recommended type like the recommend the

recommend the recommendations for bed

sharing if you if you want to bed shared

this is how you should do it and then I

will tell you how we're doing it because

the way we're doing it is not the way

you're supposed to do it

and I'll explain so the way you're

supposed to do it is you're supposed to

have a big bed either

straight on the floor mattress flat on

the floor or with bed rails and you're

supposed to have two separate blankets

one for each person like let's assume

that it's you and your partner in bed

two separate blankets that way a blanket

that's if you have one blanket being

pulled across the idea is that like

technically it could go up over baby's

head

so two separate blankets that's not

gonna happen one pillow each person one

or two whatever just want to make sure

that there are not excess blankets and

excess pillows around baby that if baby

is in bed with you baby is safe in the

middle no access pillows no excess

blankets that is that like each person

has their own blanket their own pillow

it's like you're all sleeping in

separate beds now when we were on

vacation we actually had a king-size bed

and that concept made so much more sense

to me those like oh yeah everyone has

room everyone like we have a queen-size

bed here at home and so that was always

gonna be really difficult I will now say

and this is like the most controvert

controversial we we did not do any of

those things

Hugo's okay Hugo's fine Hugo this is

gonna sound lewd Chris and I under and

I'm like even hesitating to say this out

loud and like to put this out into the

internet because obviously I as a mom

always have Hugo's best interests at

heart and I'm always worried about him

and always like have anxiety about like

is a safe is that is this not safe and

maybe that contributes to like

while my sleep is but and this is never

sound crazy

hugo is the type of kid the type of baby

who likes having things around his face

now that's not to say that I put him to

sleep with a blanket oversized of course

I don't do that of course but I will

never forget even as a small small baby

he would always bro his head into my arm

or burrow his head into my elbow he

would always bring things up to his face

and it always gave me so much anxiety

because I was like Hugh you can't do

that obviously he couldn't answer me

back but like you can't you can't do

that you're gonna suffocate but that's

how he loves to sleep he loves to have

things like by him so what we've ended

up doing is I've stretched so literally

when we put him in between us even on

the sheet it wasn't enough for him like

he still felt like he there was too much

space too much freedom and in that way

if he wasn't if he wasn't so strong and

completely rolling over on his own I

would say a doc etat would be the

perfect thing because it still gives the

baby the freedom to move but it's very

rich like baby can feel those two little

pillows on either side which is what he

needs so what we do is he sleeps in

between us I put a blanket I took a

blanket over the sheets so the blankets

not free but there's still the texture

of the blanket it's like us it's almost

it's not this blanket specifically but

it's almost like this that like it feels

a little bit fuzzy so he feels a texture

of that under his face and then we put

two pillows right next to him that's

like we put one pillow we put one pillow

on his right side so dividing between

him and Jeff and then I sleep right next

to him so he can feel me he sleeps on my

side too he can feel me and then if you

were to roll over or he he likes to

smack his hand out to the side to make

sure something's there he can reach out

and feel the pillow so I understand that

that goes against like all the

co-sleeping girls I understand that but

for you go that is and that's such a

clear example of like as much as like

mommy shaming or like here

shaming is a thing at the end of the day

you have to go with like what's gonna

work for your baby and I know that him

sleeping in between us with me on one

side a pillow on the other side is is

safe for him it's safe for him now he's

at the point now he's six months old he

can fully like push himself up he can't

like he's not crawling but he can push

his head neck and shoulders up so he can

move his head side to side and that that

they say is the biggest thing you don't

want to put a baby down on their tummy

if they can't do that because they can

get stuck now have I known people who

had done that as well yes of course

again just the golden rule of like

trusting your gut trusting that you know

what's best for your baby and going off

the cues of your baby so yes he can lift

his head he can roll over and he nor I

mean he's still waking up every like you

know three to four hours on a good night

so he's still waking up every five five

six times do that math workout I'm not

sure anyway so that's what we're doing

now like that was worked for us and even

though Hugo's waking up so many times

during the night we've tried so many

other ways of sleeping that I know that

this actually is the best solution for

us how do I feel about bed sharing I

mean personally because like the I don't

care where my baby is sleeping as long

as he's sleeping girl governs my life if

he decided to like you know the day that

he decides he wants to sleep in his own

bed or like I guess I get the question a

lot of like well are you gonna share a

bed with him forever like the myth is

that like your baby is gonna want to

sleep with you until they're 18 years

older and I'm an 18 year old child in

your bed

of course you're not going like you know

has that happened in the history of

existence maybe I don't know but do I

think that's gonna be Hugo no I don't if

you know if he's still sleeping with us

when he's in elementary school I don't

know like if Parenthood has taught me

anything it's you just never know you

don't know you have to take every day at

a time and there's like I mean for Jeff

and I my husband we do want him

into his own bed we do want him to

transition to his own room eventually

and that is something that like is is a

goal of ours but we're just reading

Hugo's cues we're reading his cues right

now he's six months old he wants to

sleep with us like that's the only place

that he will sleep that's what we're

gonna do I really just don't have a plan

I really don't have a plan I'm just I'm

just doing what's working for us right

now so okay I'm gonna end this video

here it was a little bit all over the

place but that's that's our situation

now my biggest advice if you are gonna

be bed sharing is just figure out what

works best for you and baby if you are

nervous or worried about rolling on top

of may be suffocating baby then you can

take certain precautions against that so

you can have baby if you want a bed

share you can have baby swaddled in a

dog etat in between you and your partner

or just swaddled in between you and your

partner you can do the bassinet against

the bed thing you could do the like

little crib against the bed thing there

are so so many options if you want to

like share your space with your baby but

are worried about like being on top of

your baby or smothering or something

okay guys if there is an update in this

whole like co-sleeping bed sharing thing

if all of a sudden you go we decide I

mean it just happens on a whim right

like if one day we decide like we're

doing the sleep training again if we're

gonna try again then I will let you guys

know how that works out

I want me know down in the comments if

you bed share with your child or Co

sleep and what your thoughts are just

you know be respectful all right guys

tell Freddie to subscribe your thumbs up

and I'll talk to you all really soon bye

guys