From the day when man first realized that he could bash his little brother in the head
with a closed fist, it's been a literal arms race to see who could come up with the best
fighting technique.
And it's resulted in dozens of different ways to injure and maim.
According to Karate City, there are roughly 170 recognized martial arts, with widely varied
disciplines ranging from Bartitsu, the 19th century art of British walking stick fighting,
to Taekwondo, the art of being dropped off by your parents at a strip mall for an hour
on Saturdays.
And the wide array of fighting styles only makes sense.
Setting aside the natural human predisposition towards being as much like a Power Ranger
as possible, martial arts provide practitioners a way to discipline both the mind and body.
And mixed martial arts tournaments have become a multi-billion dollar industry, pulling in
television viewers and wealthy attendees, all enthusiastic to find out which form of
dude-smacking is going to generate the best concussions this week.
But after thousands of years of knuckle-popping physical inhumanity to our fellow man, have
we found a definitive answer to the question "what's the deadliest martial art in the world?"
There seem to be two main contenders: Lua and Krav Maga.
Hawaii, with its scenic vistas and posi-vibe Instagramability, might not spring to mind
when you're putting together a list of places where folks are great at kicking the snot
out of each other.
But ancient Hawaiian society could be extremely brutal, which led to the creation of Lua,
also called Kapu Kuialua, a martial art traditionally taught to royal guards which has a focus on
breaking an opponent's bones and taking advantage of their pressure points.
To hear it described, Lua almost has the air of urban legend about it.
Kids grow up hearing stories about noble warriors with almost supernatural abilities.
In fact, according to Black Belt Magazine, the first European descriptions of the art
form in 1865 included vague references to the use of hypnotism and telepathy.
You don't actually need to be a member of the X-Men to learn Lua, though.
You do, though, need to be able to adapt to modern realities, as modern Lua is one of
the only self defense techniques to incorporate the use of guns, a blind spot in most martial
arts that would make Tai Chi in the park a whole different experience.
Also worth mentioning: its practitioners regularly drench themselves in coconut oil in order
to avoid being grappled, which means that their gymnasiums probably smell amazing.
And then there's Krav Maga, which is one of the newer martial arts disciplines in the
world.
It was created by Imi Lichtenfeld, a Jewish acrobat, boxer and wrestler who quickly deduced
that the rules of sport didn't mean anything in a real street fight.
Living in Czechoslovakia in the 1930s, Lichtenfeld organized a defense committee to protect his
neighborhood from anti-semitic hooligans, and soon began refining his fighting techniques
in actual life-or-death street battles.
Enter Krav Maga, the martial art focused on causing as much pain and damage as possible
in the shortest amount of time.
It's one of those special forms of pugilism that you just can't turn into a sport, since
half of the competitors would wind up, optimistically, in traction, while the other ones headed to
jail.
Krav Maga, as described by Elite Training Center, hinges on a squirm-worthy but fundamental
truth:
"Every joint in the body is designed to bend a specific way, and by forcing it in the other
direction, it snaps."
After serving with the British forces in World War II, Lichtenfeld began training members
of the newly formed Israeli army in his special techniques.
Today, Krav Maga incorporates elements of Aikido and judo, and it's the go-to method
of self defense for the Israeli Special Forces.
So what's the deadliest martial art?
Lua?
Krav Maga?
Or something else?
Well, it's impossible to say, because it really boils down to the expertise of the individual.
A week-one Krav Maga student, even with the rich history of the art form in their corner,
might still be taken down by, say, a 20-year practitioner of pillow fighting.
So MMA might be our best guide, as most fighters incorporate a mish-mash of techniques swiped
a la carte from various disciplines.
The deadliest martial art of all is one that incorporates everything, like the one we just
made up which is called "Professor X wielding a flamethrower while riding a T-Rex with machetes
strapped to its toes."
Your move, pillow fighters.
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